A quick note: I began writing this on Sunday morning at my Mother-in-Law’s and before I knew it, it was time to shower and go – which means I didn’t get time to add photos. Instead of editing, re-writing, or deleting, I decided to let it publish as it is.
Because this blog, here, is my personal space to play with and I need to remind myself that it’s ok to be imperfect.
I couldn’t remember if it were Saturday or Sunday when I first woke. There are times, of course, that I don’t know the date, but not knowing the day makes me feel all itchy and uncomfortable.
We are in Chicago and I am out of my routine. The bed is different, not uncomfortable at all. Just different. As is the coffee and the coffee cups and a dozen other little things that provide a sense of connection to our life and, frankly, those little things are comforting.
So, despite the fact that I am the one that insisted to JB that we should come this weekend for his nephew’s birthday party, I am feeling a bit out of sorts.
I shake my head at myself and wonder when I became so inflexible? When did I become such a homebody? I used to travel heavily and for a period of time seemed to sleep better in hotels than I did in my own bed. After five years, his mom’s house is familiar and has always been welcoming, but this morning I am missing my chair in the bedroom , my blue coffee cup and our weekend mornings on the deck.
What I’m Writing (& How It Dovetails With Work)
When I think about it, I’m a little cranky today because I am stressing out about work. A four-day weekend (Columbus Day) followed by another four-day weekend (this weekend) to be followed by our vacation to New Orleans (we leave on Thursday and return the following Monday) have my mind going in circles around What I Need To Do and worrying IF I can get it all DONE. And worrying about getting it all done distracts me from actually doing it.
I want to enjoy the long weekends and the vacation, but will my mind allow me to do that without worrying and feeling guilty?
After finalizing Sex Kitten last weekend, I moved back into writing consumable stuff for work mode. The blog post on overcoming past challenges and the newsletter were, again, all I wrote. Damn, damn, damn my mind chants.
So, what are we, my darling, to do about this mind chatter, the worry, the discomfort? The cursing inner critic? Is it all my mind’s desire to keep me “safe” and stop me from working on editing my Book, which I am determined to finish before the holidays? Or is my mind bored with writing blog posts for work each week because it’s ready to move forward into other kinds of writing?
Our minds are tricky and creative when it comes to keeping us from doing things that are scary.
I, of course, want to stay consistent and do my writing for work. It’s an ethical contract with my newsletter subscribers. And frankly, with myself. So, I must again, this week, write a blog post, write the newsletter and I don’t wish to work on work while we’re on vacation, because that puts me out of my integrity to honor our time to relax on vacation…..
What I’m Reading
I am currently reading both The Chaperone by Laura Moriarty, which is the October book club book as well as
Signed, Sealed, Delivered: Celebrating the Joys of Letter Writing by Nina Sankovitch, after Becca recommended it. I’m enjoying them both immensely.
I also read Voracious: A Hungry Reader Cooks Her Way through Great Books by Cara Nicoletti with delightful illustrations by Marion Bolognese. I am so grateful that I read it in hard copy instead of digitally because the printed book was just beautiful.
What We’re Eating
Traveling and staying with family means not as much control over my diet as I like.
At home, we had our basics: eggs with veggies for breakfast and chicken for dinner. We had pizza and salad for dinner Friday, and pizza and appetizers (cheese and crackers and celery) for dinner Saturday. It’s hard to control what you eat at the homes of others when you are “family” and can root around in the fridge without feeling like you’re snooping, yet aren’t the one in on control of what’s going on the table for everyone to eat or even what might be in said fridge. I always go to the grocery store when we are there for a few days, in part to bring in a few things we love but also to make sure we don’t go through all the milk and juice (something JB wouldn’t think about because he rarely goes to the grocery store).
We had chili at the birthday party, and that was wonderful and felt more “me”.
I mentioned I had cut back on processed carbs and after 3 weeks (virtually) gluten free, eating a little bit of gluten upset my stomach a little and made my skin a little itchy.
One of the attractions to New Orleans is the food scene, and I don’t want to “diet” while we are there, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t be a bit more choosy. We do, though, have reservations each day for brunch and I cannot wait to explore the culture.
What’s Really Floating My Boat
I am still grateful for the letter writing project, though we hit our very first snag when a letter didn’t arrive in the typical ” two days” time. I am hoping that when we return and the mail hold is released, I’ll have mail.
On Saturday morning, I set out by myself to have coffee with a colleague that lives in the Chicago area. I am so very glad that I reached out to her because we had a great conversation and talked not just about coaching, but writing and how we want to manage our careers. I told her about my plans for the book as well as how I am managing all of the work: from getting all of my blog posts together to the compilation and editing process. How I want to write a few new pieces and some connecting pieces. And my desire to self-publish before the holidays. She does a lot of speaking engagements and not having a book means she has nothing to leave with folks if they connect with her, so she’s going to do the same.
To sit face to face with someone and share similar dreams and differing dreams goes a long, long way.
Here’s to imperfection and vacation. I may or may not write next week since we’ll be in New Orleans.
“Worrying about getting it all done distracts me from actually doing it.” I do this SO much. Doing it right now, in fact.
Last week was too busy for me too. I was doing semi-creative things like music and working on a website for the community theater, but not the really creative stuff. I only did morning pages three times, which is very strange for me.
But on Friday, I had an artist’s date with a musician friend, and felt energized by it. I plan to write about it for the blog tomorrow.
Wishing you good travels 🙂
One of the reasons I allowed this “imperfection” (and grumpy mood) to play out on the page was because it felt disingenuous to not occasionally show this side of creating. How the “busy” distracts us from “doing”.
Or, even if we are “doing” but not necessarily working on the things our soul is calling us to work on makes us feel “off”.
And YES for artist’s dates!
Thanks for the travel wishes. I am hoping we can both really unplug. Either way, New Orleans has such a great food, literary, cultural and history history that I can’t wait to explore.