Taking a Risk

“Always do what you are afraid to do.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If I haven’t mentioned it before, I am part of an amazing group of women.  In both discussions and in lessons, we’re exploring our actions in relation to acting out of love or acting out of fear.

I have to admit that this is a huge lesson for me. If I am to dig deeply within myself, I discover that many of my actions of the past few months have been out of the fear of not wanting to have my soul hurt and my heart broken. This perpetual state of cocooning oneself behind protective walls leads to a troubled mind, a cold heart, and a sad soul. How, my friends, is this a place to live? How can you experience the true joys of the world if an important part of yourself stays tucked away?

The answer is you can’t.

2010 is the year of Faith. When I set my overall intention for the year, I knew that in order to grow, in order to live my best life, I would have to rediscover faith in myself.  What I didn’t realize at the time is that in order to have faith, I must embrace courage.

I am perfectly capable of living life in solitary.  I’m independent and driven.  I am blessed with good friends, both female and male.  I enjoy time with my family.  I enjoy my work life and the hours I spend with my clients.  The last couple of weeks, I have discovered that there is something I want:  more when it comes to a personal life.

Oh.  Wow. Talk about SCARY.  To open my heart to someone?  To allow them to see me when I am vulnerable?  To risk going through heartache?  Without risk, however, there is no reward.

So, I’m venturing in.  I am allowing my panic attacks if they come and am breathing through them (not eating through them).  I am not withdrawing away, but instead, am being more vulnerable and voicing my feelings and my thoughts.

Why would I risk losing something wonderful?   I have met a wonderful man who shares many common interests – like aviation, history, golf, good food, and laughter.   After several months of dinners and shared adventures, I realized that I had feelings for him.  I was afraid to mention them to him, but he is was more courageous than I and when he broached the subject over dinner, I confessed that I felt the same.  Why should I deny that I have feelings for him?  Just to protect myself from potential hurt?  Oh, that’s just silly!

If I am to live life to the fullest, I must live from a place of love instead of a place of fear.  My friends, it is time to take courage by the horns.  And as he said to me, it’s a time to  take a leap of faith.