Renewing a Love Affair

I mentioned yesterday that I was taking a risk and exploring romantic love again.  I’m here today to tell you about the renewal of another love.  No, I haven’t forsaken that incredibly sexy man, but I did renew an affair with an old love yesterday: the love affair with my golf clubs.

Through no fault of their own, I began neglecting my relationship with my clubs.  I know you hear the cliche of “it’s me, not you”.  Seriously, it was all me.  My clubs are the innocent bystanders.  There are half a dozen reasons why I stopped spending time with my beloved clubs, but I won’t list them here.  The important thing is that I have moved beyond the whys and why-nots and spend some quality time renewing my affair yesterday.

How could I forget how much I loved getting out on the golf course?  The weather was warm yesterday and though I can honestly say that though I’m not much of a “hot weather” girl, I enjoyed every moment of being outside in the 90 degree Texas heat.  After 17-months of being separated, my clubs were cooperative and supportive.  My golf partner reminded me often “let your club do the work!”, and when I allowed my clubs to do their job, it was pure magic.

Maybe my approach to the game of golf is different from others.  I don’t play golf to beat my last score or measure myself against others.  I also don’t play golf as a path to self-flagellation.  I play golf because I enjoy the experience.  I play golf to have fun.

Having fun is not a diversion from a successful life;
it is the pathway to it.
—Martha Beck

Life is too short to not enjoy it.  I have a strong work ethic, and I’m no stranger to working hard.  Life, however, must have some balance, and we must allow ourselves to play. Being on the golf course reminds me that life isn’t all serious.  That I am allowed to have fun.  That I am able to renew my spirit through play.

When I am standing behind that little white ball, holding a carefully crafted club in my hand, I can allow myself to go into an almost meditative state.  Seriously, in that moment before a shot, there is nothing but nature, me, my peace of spirit, and the connection between a beloved Adams Club and the ball.   When you can discover a way to quiet your mind and connect it with your body, you can find yourself embracing the inner core of who you are and what you want in that single moment in time.   After several of those moments in a span of a few hours,  you discover that there is love in your heart and contentment in your world.   It’s another way of connecting with not only my intention for the year, but my intention for and my philosophy of life.

I haven’t made promises to my clubs that I can’t keep, I’ve simply vowed to take them out to become one with me as our schedules permit.  In the meantime, don’t tease me (too much)  if you find me admiring my beautiful clubs: all of their shiny little heads connected by flexible shafts to lovely grips.  I’m simply remembering the peace I’ve found in our time together.

And reminding myself that we can find peace in our souls in different places if we allow it.

Taking a Risk

“Always do what you are afraid to do.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If I haven’t mentioned it before, I am part of an amazing group of women.  In both discussions and in lessons, we’re faith_rockexploring our actions in relation to acting out of love or acting out of fear.

I have to admit that this is a huge lesson for me. If I am to dig deeply within myself, I discover that many of my actions of the past few months have been out of the fear of not wanting to have my soul hurt and my heart broken. This perpetual state of cocooning oneself behind protective walls leads to a troubled mind, a cold heart, and a sad soul. How, my friends, is this a place to live? How can you experience the true joys of the world if an important part of yourself stays tucked away?

The answer is you can’t.

2010 is the year of Faith. When I set my overall intention for the year, I knew that in order to grow, in order to live my best life, I would have to rediscover faith in myself.  What I didn’t realize at the time is that in order to have faith, I must embrace courage.

I am perfectly capable of living life in solitary.  I’m independent and driven.  I am blessed with good friends, both female and male.  I enjoy time with my family.  I enjoy my work life and the hours I spend with my clients.  The last couple of weeks, I have discovered that there is something I want:  more when it comes to a personal life.

Oh.  Wow. Talk about SCARY.  To open my heart to someone?  To allow them to see me when I am vulnerable?  To risk going through heartache?  Without risk, however, there is no reward.

leapoffaithSo, I’m venturing in.  I am allowing my panic attacks if they come and am breathing through them (not eating through them).  I am not withdrawing away, but instead, am being more vulnerable and voicing my feelings and my thoughts.

Why would I risk losing something wonderful?   I have met a wonderful man who shares many common interests – like aviation, history, golf, good food, and laughter.   After several months of dinners and shared adventures, I realized that I had feelings for him.  I was afraid to mention them to him, but he is was more courageous than I and when he broached the subject over dinner, I confessed that I felt the same.  Why should I deny that I have feelings for him?  Just to protect myself from potential hurt?  Oh, that’s just silly!

If I am to live life to the fullest, I must live from a place of love instead of a place of fear.  My friends, it is time to take courage by the horns.  And as he said to me, it’s a time to  take a leap of faith.